Not Entirely Sane-in
by Uzumaki-Demon
Summary: After an unfortunate incident, I was reincarnated into the world of Naruto at the time of the legendary Sannin. Finally I get to live a shinobi's life. But nothing, even luck, goes my way.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: How I died during an English exam**

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{**A/N:** Yo wassup guys, gals and anything in-between! This is my first fanfic and I am no stranger to harsh criticism so go ahead, BE MEAN! BUT if it isn't constructive criticism then I will ignore it. Also, if you have any ideas that might fit in later in the story then be my guest and tell me. Regardless, I am a novice and would greatly appreciate any help that I can get even if only 1 person reads it! Almost all credit to the idea goes to Shadownumera for the idea and for giving me a reason to write this (basically I said I would, kept putting it off and therefore felt obliged to do so) so thanks very much for that. You have read the summary (I hope) and know what's happening so without further ado, on with the (hopefully) fun stuff! I am also going to sort-of skim over the childhood bits because I don't feel a need for it and I want to get to the genin teams. I also swear quite a bit so…be warned.}

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**DISCLAIMER:** As much as I wish I owned Naruto, I don't. Otherwise Jiraiya would have survived and Madara would have been MEGA-WEDGIE-OF-DEATH!'D to death. I do however own any OC's and/or weapons that I may create.

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Thank you to my beta The Sandslash Named Gaara!

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I had always loved Naruto. As far as I could remember I had always loved it. I have no clue how I found Naruto considering I grew up in the Pilbara region of Australia and my parents didn't care for manga or anime, I however, did. At the age of 14 I had just finished reading a fanfiction in which the author had died and been reincarnated in the Hidden Mist Village. [A/N:That would be Clearing Mists, by Shadownumera]

I was thinking how cool it would be if that had actually happened. The next day I went to school for my first exam ever. My worst subject was English, yet that was exactly what I had. Halfway into the exam, I did what I could to the best of my abilities and decided to take a nap.

Another thing I should mention: I was notoriously clumsy. I fell asleep holding my pen, slipped sideways off my desk and landed on my pen. That wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that my pen went straight through my neck. There was a flash of red in my eyes and I see my best-friend and my girlfriend. My girlfriend was crying and my best friend looked so astonished I couldn't help but laugh. Or try at least. It came out as more of a wet gurgle.

"L-looks...l-like...I-I...*cough*...f-failed t-the...e-e-*shudder*exams."

Then nothing. That was it. I had died. It was horrible. I was shaking and shuddering then it all just stopped.

You know how sometimes when you are sleeping and you are asleep but still aware of what is happening around you? That is what it was like. For nine months. Except nothing was happening to be aware of. Just an empty blackness and being aware that I was aware. Then all of a sudden there was bright light, screaming and my sore throat. I look up and see a pale blur. That must be a doctor, or if my hopes and dreams had really come true, a Konoha medic. I didn't really care at the moment because I was suddenly overcome with tiredness unlike any tiredness ever before. Everything faded to black and I was suddenly a whole lot more comfortable. I opened my eyes again and looked down this time instead of up.

What I saw amazed me. Two completely ordinary people. Ordinary, but for one thing, one was wearing a Konoha Jonin vest, and the other, a toad ANBU mask and a giant war hammer. If I strained my ears I could just hear what they were saying.

"He is just adorable isn't he?" This was the woman in the ANBU gear.

"Yeah I suppose, can we go now? I hate hospitals. They give me the creeps." Replied the anxious looking Jonin.

They both had thick, white hair and the Jonin had a thin red line under each eye. Then it hit me. The man looked exactly like Jiraiya had during his twenties. What could that mean?

Well duh, this was Jiraiya's dad! I looked to my right and saw another shock of white hair. This had to be Jiraiya. There was no way it couldn't be. I tried to say something but all that came out was an odd gurgling noise.

I was then acutely aware of moist warmth up my back and down my leg. Well, shit, literally.

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5 Years Later

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After getting home from the hospital, I found out I lived next door to Jiraiya and his family, so my childhood was pretty entertaining. A weird thing about my childhood is that Jiraiya refused to call me anything but Chocolate-kun or Crow-kun unless it's incredibly serious. Kō, ko-ko, coco, chocolate. Kuro, crow. Pretty self-explanatory and FUCKING ANNOYING!

But still, nice friends, nice parents, knowledge of (most of) the future and you get a pretty damn good childhood.

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1 Year Later – Academy Days

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To be quite honest, I was fucking terrified of going to the Academy. I could barely even draw on my chakra without great difficulty and almost killing myself. I didn't know what to expect from the other students.

"Yo, Ero-kun, stop perving, I know she's hot but she likes Dan so don't get your hopes up. Anyway I'm fucking scared. What if I get teased? What if I get ignored? EVEN WORSE! What if I get hit on by guys!?"

I forgot to mention. I look like a girl. I'm very slight, long, dark hair and have quite feminine features. The one thing that doesn't seem to fit is my really deep voice.

"Chocolate-kun, relax, there is no way you cou-" He was cut off by a guy our age shoving his way between us.

"Hey babe, who's this loser? Your boyfriend? Why don't you hang with me and we can have some fun. I could show you a jutsu that only my clan can do."

Oh, Kami this was going to be great. Fucking with his head that is. Not being hit on.

"First off, you Uchiha wank stain," He jumped about a foot off the ground at my deep voice. It would be deep for a teen. "This 'loser' is my best friend. Second, we're six for fucks sake, how much 'fun' could you have at our age? Holding hands? And your Sharingan probably doesn't even have a second tomoe. Third and final thing," this time I pointed at Jiraiya, who was lying down looking dreamily up the skirt of the girl trying to help him up, "if you ever, ever, EVER, make him enjoy himself that much again and I will castrate you. Are we clear? Good, now fucking help that ero-baka up you fuckhead."

He did a double take at the first time I spoke, so the rest was clearly shocking.

"Now, what the fuck is your name?"

"K-K-K-Kani Uchiha…" he stammered, shocked.

I was about to start beating on his dumb ass when the teacher came out of the class to call us in. "Ok kids come on in, if I see you fighting I will personally take you to the T&I department to get you hung by your toenails. Let's get inside to learn some stuff!"

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Couple hours later

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"That was boooooorrrriiiinng!"

"Seriously Jiraiya shut the fuck up I'm trying to think."

Even though I wasn't…well, not about anything I should say out loud. I had pretty much gotten over all my friends and my girlfriend from my old life. But today was just too much. There was a girl in the front row of the class whose name I didn't know but looked exactly like my old girlfriend…

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{A/N: Well that's the end of the first chapter, I should probably have another chapter some time and hopefully establish a good story. Thanks again for (hopefully) reading and thanks again to Shadownumera. The first bit where I died is bloody terrible but I just couldn't find it in me to make it better and wait until it gets good, which I promise it will. Cheers!}


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Reminiscing, Moping and Getting Kicked in the Nuts

{A/N: I am really happy with the response I have gotten even if it isn't much but I am still incredibly happy! Thank you to anybody who has read and/or followed/favourited! I don't mind if you review or not as long as you enjoy, although it would be much appreciated if you did review. I'm rushing through the story pretty quickly because I want to get to the stuff I will find fun and (hopefully) easy to write. ON WITH THE STORY!}

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Disclaimer: Meh I said this last time I don't think it's going to matter if I forget once in a while.

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Thank you to my beta The Sandslash Named Gaara!

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1 Week Before Genin Exams (currently 9 years old)

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My genin exam was so completely different from the test that Naruto had to do. Almost completely. There was a written test. That was the only similarity. We had been told what we had to do last week. I was fucking stressed.

We had a points system, so for different things we got different points. The standard for one point: perfect jab/cross, perfect roundhouse kick, average slightly more complicated moves. You get the point, right? A basic jutsu like a clone would be about 8 points and for about 100 points was a B-rank jutsu.

Considering that I was an incredible marital artist in my past life while being notoriously clumsy, I felt completely ripped off right at this moment. I was incredibly graceful (which didn't help with people thinking I was a girl) and quite frankly, I was shit. I worked my ass off, sparring Jiraiya, sparring my other classmates, sparring my parents, picking fights with ANBU on patrol, just to practice my martial arts and jutsu. I was shit at martial arts and alright at my jutsu. Once I even asked Hokage Tobirama to spar so I can practice my Lightning style jutsu. He refused, so I kicked his desk out the window and proceeded to get the shit beaten out of me. By the second Hokage and his personal guard. On top of the Hokage mansion. In front of the village. On the bright side, I got a basic S-rank mission pay as compensation for my injuries and gave him a scar on his collarbone that (in his words) "would be cool to show off to my drinking buddies." Winning!

"Dumbass, stop reminiscing and study. Doo-da-doo. I have no willpower at the moment."

"Honey, are you talking to yourself? Or did Jiraiya sneak in your window again?" That was my Mum. Duh. I checked my window.

"Nope, just me in here!"

Back to some scroll I found in my parents' jutsu library. I forgot to mention, my Dad is a member of the ANBU, which is how he knows Jiraiya's parents, and my Mum was a jutsu 'blacksmith'. She made different jutsu at the request of the village's shinobi. Seems pretty self-explanatory.

It is also the reason we have 6 separate jutsu libraries that individually would rival the size of most major clans. I got some random jutsu from the B-rank section in the Lightning section in the basement. Dad had Water and Wind natured chakra. Mum, Fire and Earth. It was odd that our Lightning library was in the basement considering that it was our biggest. Which was odd considering that it was the least used in the house. Scratch that, the least used in the community. We also get paid to keep the communities jutsu scrolls in our libraries. Aside from that, I was studying the Lightning Release jutsu which was called "Junsei Raikou Kunai no Jutsu." You did the necessary hand seals and formed a few lightning kunai.

If I master this I should be able to settle with an alright score. Emphasis on should.

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2 Days Before Genin Exams

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I don't know why, but I felt like going to the graveyard while taking my study break. I just felt like something important would happen. So I was walking to the graveyard and I started…moping.

Thinking about my old life, how people might have mourned, what my gravestone would have said, stuff like that. Then I saw a kid with long, shiny black hair sitting and looking at something in his hands. I thought I had seen him before; he might have been in a different class or something like that.

"Yo kid!"

He looked up and I damn near stabbed him in the throat. It was Orochi-fucking-maru. He had tears in his eyes and, if I remember correctly-I couldn't quite see his hands-a white snake skin.

"What do you want?" I had to resist the urge to kick the shit out of him but at the same time I felt bad.

I knew he was innocent now, but I still wanted to kick his face in. *sigh*

"You ok man? You look like shit." He started laughing at how casually I said this.

After wiping his eyes and standing up he replied. "I'm alright, just haven't visited in a while." Then he looked at the thing in his hands before thrusting it towards me. "Here, I want you to have this."

I did a double take. "Wha…Why me? That there is rare!"

He blushed and looked at his feet. "Y-you are my only friend."

I was really confused. I had just insulted him. That was our only interaction. I hadn't even spoken to him before now. "You showed me kindness. Nobody has done that since the man with the pipe."

I still was a bit confused but I was starting to get the idea. That was when I smelled smoke and a slight hint of…

Was that B-B-Q pork? I looked up and saw a smiling Sarutobi Hiruzen.

"Hello there, children." Orochimaru smiled and I let out a sigh of relief, an escape from the awkward situation.

Orochimaru was acting formal. "Good afternoon Sarutobi-sama!"

Sarutobi laughed then looked at me. "Who might you be, a friend of Orochimaru perhaps?"

I bowed with a groan of pain. Those failed attempts at a lightning jutsu really took a toll on my muscles, which were constantly having spasms. "My name is Kuro-kō, Sarutobi-sama. Morino Kuro-kō. My friends call me Crow or Chocolate."

He chuckled at my nicknames. "I am sorry, Crow-kun but I need to talk to Orochimaru privately; if you like I could send Orochimaru to your house when we are finished?"

Orochimaru looked rather hopeful so I felt quite bad when I had to turn him down.

"I am sorry Sarutobi-sama, Orochimaru, but my mother is working on something, an S-rank secret jutsu or something like that and I was studying for my upcoming genin exams. This is my break period and I felt like going for a walk. May I suggest Ero…I mean, Jiraiya-kun? He doesn't study and his parents are both on a mission, I'm sure he would enjoy the company."

Sarutobi met this with a worried look on his face. "Jiraiya-kun? Son of Chizuko and Keito?"

I almost laughed at this because he obviously knew Jiraiya's parents by reputation as oppose to actually knowing them. They were renowned for their gory, hard to clean up messes that were left behind them. The signature starburst of blood from Chizuko's war hammer and the insignia of their village beaten into their body after Keito used their hitai-ate as a weapon.

"Yes, that's the one. Trust me, I know Jiraiya would be thrilled to have the company." He tried to shake my hand but I showed him my bandaged fingers.

"What have you been doing that caused that?" He asked looking worried.

"Just a few failed attempts at the Lightning Kunai jutsu, nothing to worry about." He unwrapped the bandages and inspected the burns on my fingers.

"You need to relax when you perform the jutsu. Lower your hands at your sides and keep your fingers close together, don't spread them." My jaw dropped. He could tell exactly what I needed to do in order to get the jutsu right.

"Th-Thank you Sarutobi-sama."

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Day of Genin Exam

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"Yo! Crow!" I turned to Jiraiya with a sigh. "Seriously man, can Tsunade ever do anything incognito?"

She heard and scowled at me before turning to the two white haired boys beside me, while Dan had hidden behind Jiraiya to escape his fangirls.

"Yo Ero-baka." That was when she noticed Dan. "Oh…H-hey D-dan." She stammered, blushing.

Dan was relieved that it wasn't one of his fangirls. "Yo Tsunade, how's it hanging?"

She stared at her feet with a blush. "I'm good."

There was an incredibly awkward silence which I decided to break by kicking Jiraiya in the shins when he tried to pinch a passing civilian girl on the ass. He kept reaching and pinched. I tried to slap his hand away but was too slow and she turned to see my arm extended and Jiraiya holding his behind his back. She wound up kicking me in the testicles harder than humanely possible without chakra. Dan saw what happened and chuckled, Jiraiya was laughing so hard he was crying, and Tsunade saw that it was Jiraiya and kicked him in the testicles harder than humanely possible with chakra. Ouch.

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{A/N: I was going to do the genin exam this chapter but figured next chapter I could do that and the team selections and the secondary test. Remember to review and stuff, point out anything wrong or ask for anything you want to happen in the following chapters. See ya next time.}


	3. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3: Genin Exams, (Not Quite) The Bell Test and Fun in the Forest of Death.**

**A/N: **Yo yo yo! Anybody who reads this should be appreciative, I cut my knuckle open for you guys! Joking, it was for burritos. Virtual cookie for anybody who finds and guesses the Easter egg! On with the story!

**Disclaimer: **Naruto. Mine. NO!

**Day of Genin Exam**

Waiting for my name to be called was the most nerve-wracking experience in both of my lives. In my class, I was the third last to be called and there was only five people left. Next was Orochimaru, then Jiraiya, me, Tsunade, and finally, Kani Uchiha.

The teacher stuck his head out the door. "Orochimaru, you're up."

Orochimaru stood up and followed the teacher into the other room. I was going over all the things I was going to do in my head. I would normally have discussed it with Tsunade and Jiraiya but Kani was standing right near me and no matter where you were in the classroom you could hear everything everybody was saying unless they were whispering and you had blocked your ears. Orochimaru got through pretty quickly which meant that Jiraiya was up. All we heard from the classroom was a lot of loud explosions, some banging then Jiraiya's victory shouts.

"Crow, in here please." I stood up and walked towards him, trying not to pass out from fear.

That was when Tsunade just had to talk to Kani. "Bet you any money that he's top of the class."

Kani smirked, knowing Tsunade and her legendary gambling skills, or lack of, even at the age of 9.

"Make it 300 ryo and you have a deal."

I groaned, knowing I wasn't going to get top anymore. Tsunade however, was entirely confident in my skills.

"You're on!"

I figured that staying would be counter-productive so I left. My class obviously wasn't great considering that there were twenty-four people who had done the test, only three who hadn't and there was still sixteen hitai-ate on the table.

"Whenever you're ready, Crow," said the teacher, snapping me out of my negative thoughts of thinking that I would fail.

"Oh…yeah…sure."

I started with a basic bunshin, then I performed the kawarimi, swapping places with the spare desk. It was nothing flashy but I was working my way up to my better things. I performed a few more various jutsu that were E to D-class. Then I did my Junsei Raikou Kunai no Jutsu or the lightning kunai. I performed the hand seals and lowered my hands to my sides, relaxing my body and keeping my fingers close together. The electricity was arching between my fingers but failed to properly form the kunai I wanted. Aside from that, I had a score to pass but not do well.

The teacher, that had always found me to be an annoying little brat, smirked. "Looks like you fail, a substandard jutsu like that would never be acceptable in real combat. Goodbye."

I was livid, I had the score to pass but the teacher wouldn't let me because he was a petty little bitch with a grudge for no reason.

"But that isn't fair! I have enough marks to pass!"

He smirked again. "But for the son of an ANBU and a jutsu blacksmith, that was a seriously substandard jutsu."

Substandard! Really? He turned to get Tsunade from the other room. I was pissed off and irrational so I did the jutsu again, successfully this time, and threw four of them at his back. I hid as a kunai in the shadow of the first one I threw. He turned just in time to block them but didn't expect me to switch out with the regular kunai just before he could block it, so I kicked him in the head, causing him to hit his head on the doorframe and be knocked out cold. The other teacher, who was always more favourable towards me, grinned and tossed me a hitai-ate that was in his pocket and had flame designs on the cloth.

"Congratulations, you pass with flying colours."

I caught it and did my best impression of a goldfish.

"We didn't order enough for the entire class because there was a different number of students than normal ,so your father gave me his old one from his genin days."

My goldfish impression reached new heights, so much so that I almost grew gills and golden scales. Not quite, but almost.

"This belonged to my dad?"

He grinned. "Yep. You had better go home and celebrate."

I was still imitating a goldfish until Jiraiya leapt through the window and dragged me out to wait for Tsunade.

"Dude! You passed!"

That was when I snapped out of my goldfish trance and smiled. "Of course I did! How could you doubt me? Anyway what jutsu did you do? All I heard was banging and explosions.

He grinned and scratched the back of his head. "I did a few C-rank fire jutsu and accidentally blew up an explosive tag that was in one of the desks. I did alright though! How about you, what did you do? And what's up with the weird hitai-ate? Wha-"

I slapped him to stop him before his barrage of questions. "I did some basic jutsu then failed my lightning kunai, but did it successfully a moment later then kicked the dumbass teacher in the head and knocked him out. And the hitai-ate was my dad's from when he was a genin."

"Sweet."

"Aah! What the fuck?!" That was Tsunade, scaring the living shit out of me. She did that way too often.

"Dude, you better hope you're the top of the class, I don't have 300 ryo!"

This was what worried me, if I didn't get top of the class, Tsunade would make me pay her debt. If I did however, something seriously bad was going to happen. Jiraiya got bored of being ignored and started shouting.

"WHO CARES?! LET"S CELEBRATE!" I agreed "YEAH! Let's go to the BBQ place!"

**Next Day**

Everybody in the class who had passed the test was waiting for the teacher to arrive. Jiraiya was jabbering on in my ear but I wasn't really paying attention, I was thinking. Now that I was a genin I finally had a chance to change the things in the future. I had found out that the secondary test wasn't used to send the unworthy back to the academy, it was used to figure out what you needed to work on. I had sat there thinking for about 20 minutes and Jiraiya didn't stop talking the entire time. I don't know what about but he still kept jabbering on and on and on and on.

"Blah blah blah blah blah."

"Jiraiya shut the fuck up the teacher's coming."

The teacher walked in the room without making a sound or being seen by anybody beside Jiraiya and I.

"How the fuck did you know he was coming?!"

I grinned. "Magic."

"Quiet down kids! Before I announce the teams I would like to acknowledge Crow-kun beating out Orochimaru for position of rookie of the year by 1 single point. Orochimaru, if you had straightened your leg on that front-flip-axe-kick you would have won. Sorry bud. Ok! Another thing, because Crow-kun was rookie of the year and there was 10 graduates this year, he gets the choice between choosing his cell, making it a four man cell, or he can get a personal tutor for a year until he can join another genin cell. Well, what will it be?"

I shrugged. "Just put me wherever Jiraiya is."

He wrote it down. "Ok. Team 3, Maito Dai, Uchiha Kani and Hatake Sakumo. Your sensei has told me to tell you to meet him on the head of the Shodaime. Team 4, Morino Kuro-kō, Jiraiya-kun, Senju Tsunade and Orochimaru. Your sensei will be here in a few minutes. The remaining three, Kato Dan, Amber and…um…you whose name I can never pronounce properly, you are Team 9 and will be meeting your sensei here in a bit also. I will most likely see you later in life so good luck with everything. Bye."

With those words, he walked out of the room. Team 3 left, with Sakumo jumping through the window.

"So that's were Kakashi… Got? Gets? Is going to be getting? …His habit of jumping out of windows from."

The rest of us just sat and waited until the sensei for Team 9 came into the room about 4 minutes later. After about an hour Jiraiya had nodded off at his desk and Tsunade was just chatting to Orochimaru in the corner, while I was just sitting with my feet on my desk, thinking about what I need to do. That was when it occurred to me to write it down so I wouldn't forget anybody or anything. First things first. Save the second Hokage from Jinkaku and Kinkaku. Then, save Nawaki and Dan. Also save Sakumo at some stage. Kakashi needs a father. Save Orochimaru, Asuma, Zabuza, Haku, Itachi (the other Uchiha are optional) and others who I will think of later. Just as I was putting my list in my pocket, Hiruzen Sarutobi walked in the room.

Suddenly a thought struck me. A lot of shit would be taken care of or prevented if I SAVED OBITO! How the hell did I not think about this before?!

"Meet me on the roof." My thoughts were interrupted by Hiruzen Sarutobi. I stood up and punched Jiraiya on the shoulder.

"Dude, get up, we're going to the roof."

He didn'tt even budge, so I kicked his chair out from under him. I saw him visibly tense and felt him put chakra to his feet and hands. Even with his chair kicked out he still stayed put, nothing but his heels and the back of his hands touching the desks.

"Get up, show pony. We need to meet sensei on the roof."

With that I walked out the door and up the stairs to the roof. However, upon reaching the roof, I saw that Jiraiya, Orochimaru, Tsunade and Sarutobi were standing next to Tobirama Senju. Tsunade was babbling on about something to him but all of his attention was focused on me.

"Grand-Uncle? Why are you looking at Crow-kun like that? Grand-Uncle? HOKAGE-SAMA!" That was when he snapped out of his trance and looked at her.

"Sit down with your team, short stuff."

"HEY!" Jiraiya and I had to hold back a laugh while Orochimaru just stood there looking awkward.

Sarutobi jumped in to stop it getting to out of hand. "Can the four of you sit down for me?"

We sat in a semi-circle on front of him.

"Ok, I want all of you to introduce yourself. Name, dreams, hobbies, likes, dislikes, how you fight, if you use a weapon."

I was about to say something but Jiraiya cut me off. "Why don't you show us first?"

Sarutobi grinned. "Ok, my name is Sarutobi Hiruzen, I have a dream to someday raise a large family, and my hobbies include painting, training and reading. I like hijiki and sardine meatballs and hate anything that poses a threat to the things I hold dear. I fight using a wide array of mid to long range jutsu but I also fight using my summons Enma in his adamantine staff form. It's basically just a massive staff. Ok, Crow-kun, was it? You next."

I stood with a shrug. "Yo, my name is Kuro-kō but my friends call me Crow. I have a dream of becoming a legendary shinobi and protect my friends and comrades. My hobbies are studying basic fuinjutsu scrolls, although all I can do is basic sealing for the moment. I also enjoy reading and I spend more time than is necessarily healthy contemplating certain things in life."

Everybody got confused at that but I kept going regardless."I like BBQ pork buns, spending time with my friends, training and I often jump off tall buildings into the lake near the Uchiha compound for absolutely no reason. I dislike certain people and stupid people."

"*coughJiraiyacough*" 'coughed' Tsunade.

"I fight using mainly a mix of various taijutsu styles and thrown weapons. I do not fight with a weapon but wouldn't say no to a recommendation. Jiraiya, you go next."

We spent the rest of the morning until about midday talking until Sarutobi told us to meet him in training field 43 at 10 pm that night with all our gear. Right next to the forest of death. Shit.

**10 pm That Night**

I was the first person to arrive at training ground 43, but was followed not too soon afterwards by the rest of my team and the Hokage with his personal ANBU squad. Sarutobi led us to a bench and sat us down.

"Before we go to the surprise I have for you, I need you to answer a question. If I said to you that I had three bells, and for you to not get sent back to the academy, you had to get a bell, how would you get the bells?"

Tsunade answered first. "Jump in and attack you with my strongest attacks to try and grab the bells!"

Orochimaru snorted and answered next. "Hang back while my team distracts you in order to try and grab the bells when you aren't paying attention."

Jiraiya and I answered at the same time. "Attack you as a team so we have the best chance of passing."

This impressed Sarutobi. "Congratulations you two. You are the only two who would have passed. The point of that was to see how you would work with your team. Because you have four people as oppose to the regulation three, you get to do a slightly different exercise, which is why the Hokage and his ANBU are here."

Tobirama took over, "We shall be playing capture the flag in the forest of death, Team 4 against me and my ANBU, Bear, Toad, Slug and Snake." Bear, who was my dad, stood at attention, and for a moment I thought I saw one of his eyes twitch. Toad was Jiraiya's mother, Chizuko, with her legendary hammer.

"Let's head into the forest and get started then, shall we?"

**10 Minutes Later**

The rules were simple. Basic capture the flag but we weren't allowed to use weapons or jutsu if we were holding the flag, which was ok because the flag had been converted into a scythe. Team 4 was at the South entrance with the flag and Team Hokage was at the North. We saw a blue flare go up to signal the game's start. Our strategy was simple, leave the strongest member of the team (Sarutobi) at the flag with a summoning seal for each of us (we had the matching seal on us) on a map that told him where each of us was in the forest, while everybody else attempts to capture the other team's flag; if he requires backup, he would summon the closest moving team member to him.

We rushed into the forest the moment we saw the flare and started navigating through the trees. The forest was a lot smaller these days and it was certainly a lot less dangerous. Even if there were still giant tigers in it. Tsunade had made a beeline through the centre of the forest while Orochimaru went left and Jiraiya and I went right. We got in sight of the other team who had waited for us to meet them and saw that Tobirama then ran ahead to meet Sarutobi but instead bumped into Tsunade. Slug had dashed past him to distract Tsunade which enabled Tobirama to escape to battle Sarutobi like he had originally intended to. Snake had gone to meet Orochimaru while Toad and Bear had rushed to meet Jiraiya and I. I let Jiraiya perform the Great Fireball jutsu and it caused Bear and Toad to move in order to escape being burnt. I then performed a kawarimi, switching with a shuriken I had thrown in the shadow of the fireball and used my chakra to push off a tree and get past them. Bear turned to follow me but Jiraiya had thrown his shoe in order to get Bear's attention.

It worked, surprisingly, and he turned, but Toad followed me instead. In mid-leap I pushed chakra out of my feet to stop my momentum and turned to meet Toad's face with my foot which skipped her like a pebble across to trees back to Jiraiya, just in time for him to do an axe kick at Bear, which missed but hit Toad in the face instead, breaking her through the branch and hitting a giant tiger.

The tiger swiped at her but she switched out with a log. I continued my run to the flag/scythe and got there just in time for Bear to shunshin to me and kick me away from it, but not before I got my fingertip on it and pushed just enough chakra to make the pole of the flag stick to my finger. I twisted just in time to land on the trunk of a tree and see Bear unseal his own scythe.

"Yo dad! You never told me you use a scythe! This is so not fair!" He just chuckled, twirling it around his head. I pushed off with my chakra, grabbing smoke bombs out of my pouch when I remembered I wasn't allowed to use them.

"Crow-kun, if you want to win this you're better off not stalling, you should be running back to your base. Tell you what, I'm gonna give you a fifteen second head start!"

I dashed away from him, knowing he would catch up to me the moment my time was up. However, I didn't head directly to the base. I headed in Jiraiya's direction to help him out and spread a few traps. I arrived just in time to block a swing at his head from Toad's hammer. Mother of God, she is ruthless, even towards her own son.

"Baka! Catch!" I shouted to Jiraiya as I threw him the scythe.

He fumbled it but managed to catch in time to parry a jab with the butt of the staff of the hammer. Suddenly there was a shout from the North entrance.

"FIVE SECONDS CROW-KUN!"

I set about stringing up various pieces of ninja wire and exploding tags but wasn't entirely finished when I heard: "READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!"

By 'Here I come!' He meant: 'I'm going to shunshin to your exact location in an attempt to catch you off guard!'

Because he constantly uses this tactic when we're sparring or doing just about anything else that involves catching me off guard. He shunshinned just as I finished with my traps and jumped out of the way. He snapped the one wire that would set off all the tags.

BOOM! There was a massive cloud of smoke and a groan of pain. The smoke cleared and I saw a body. Jiraiya walked up to me with the flag-scythe and slapped me on the back.

"Good job. Little overkill, don't you think though?"

But there was something that felt odd about it. "Jiraiya, keep your guard up. There's something wrong about this. I feel it in my gut."

He scoffed. "Dude stop worrying. You got him, let's go bring the flag to base."

That theory, however, was put to rest when the copy of Bear lying in front of us exploded, a clone of him dropped from a tree above Jiraiya. The original burst up from the ground. The clone from the tree wrapped his arm around Jiraiya's neck and applied a choke while the original grabbed me by the neck and slammed me into a tree. Half of his mask was missing and he was grinning.

"That fucking hurt! I mean come on! I just got a replacement mask! Just, meaning, I got it on the way to the forest."

I just laughed as I flicked the scythe that Jiraiya had dropped, above his head and grabbed the butt of the shaft, bounced the back of the blade off the bottom of a branch above me. I pumped my lightning chakra through the scythe once it had hit the tree. Bear was forced to drop me in order to block the scythe and Jiraiya simultaneously.

Jiraiya had stabbed the clone in the leg with a kunai,after he had dropped the scythe, to dispel it. I kicked Bear in the shins and dropped low, spinning the scythe behind my back, and swung upwards, sharpening and extending the blade with my lightning chakra.

Meanwhile,Toad jumped out of a bush, giant tiger in hot pursuit, and snagged Jiraiya around the ankle with a loop of ninja wire and a shadow clone.

Bear backed off and straightened up. "Now that he's out of the way, you're going to be a big brother!" With that last shout leaving me dizzy, he dashed at me, raising his scythe.

**A/N: **Thanks for tuning in, shouldn't be to long before next chapter. Feel free to review, definitely review if you find the Easter egg. Virtual cookies for anybody who does! Cheers! I'm out!


	4. Chapter 3 (4)

**Chapter 4: Finishing my Fun in the Forest… and more!**

**A/N: **Yo guys, I'm back, I feel like I've been missed even though I most likely haven't. The 'Easter egg' was in the ANBU masks. Still not revealing what it actually was yet. Read on! Enjoy! And please, pleasereview, because it makes me feel happy and because, why the hell not?

**Beta: **The forever wonderful, Sandslash Named Gaara

* * *

Bear backed off and straightened up. "Now that he's out of the way, you're going to be a big brother!"

With that last shout leaving me dizzy, he dashed at me, raising his scythe, taking the opportunity of my daze. I yelped and jumped out the way, swiping the flag-scythe off Jiraiya as he ran past, chased by Toad, who was also being chased by a giant-ass tiger.

"REALLY DAD! YOU COULDN'T! *dodge* FUCKING! *duck* WAIT! *parry* TO FUCKING TELL ME!?" I roared, outraged.

I dashed back and pressed myself to the trunk of a large tree.

"Why the hell would you do that? I mean, come on! We're fighting and this would have been finished in an hour at most! So why the fuck?!"

He just chuckled, grinned, and slipped into the shadows of the dense forest.

I groaned. "Urgh, I fucking hate it when he does that."

Jumping back again, I twirled the scythe behind my back, ready for another round of melee.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," I called, and saw movement out the corner of my eyes.

Bear, followed by another giant-ass tiger, came into my view.

"How the actual fuck do the fucking people in here keep fucking ending up getting fucking chased by these fucking tigers?"

Bear lunged at me with a swipe upwards with his scythe. I parried left, forcing the scythe to fly into a tree branch.

Bear grinned, and because only half of his face was showing, it made him look a little insane. "You little weasel. That was my favourite scythe. You can't exactly get them out of there, you know!" And with that, he threw a giant-ass tiger at me.

* * *

The next morning

* * *

I woke up in the hospital the next morning in a bed between Jiraiya and Orochimaru, across from Tsunade and Sarutobi. I saw that everybody had their eyes open, meaning that I was the last to awake. I groaned.

"I'm guessing we lost then?"

Jiraiya laughed. "Yes, yes we did lose. However, the Great Fireball jutsu was finally good for something and took out your dad and my mum, Tsunade punched a hole in an ANBU and Orochimaru cut open another and showed him what a spleen looks like."

Orochimaru grunted. "I only stabbed him once."

Tsunade glared at him. "He screamed and you laughed."

Orochimaru sweat-dropped. "I was laughing at how odd the wind in the trees sounded." He tried to make a comeback, but it fell short.

Even Sarutobi piped in at this point. "We found you playing with his fingers Orochimaru. Isn't that a bit strange?"

Orochimaru looked incredibly confused. "I never played with anybody's fingers…I was distracted by some really weird little mouse things..." He trailed off, then seemed to make his mind up. "Anyways! I only stabbed him once then he ran off and I started looking for the flag inside the trees. Why do you think I was cutting them open?"

Jiraiya laughed. "Dude, you were cutting animals and him open. Why the hell would you look for the flag inside the trees? We knew where it was."

I just laughed. "He must have hit you with a hallucinogen and it backfired."

Sarutobi laughed also. "Enough of the teasing. I hear Crow-kun got a tiger thrown at him, unless I was mistaken. Or my vision is failing me."

This time, I sweat-dropped. "He didn't throw the tiger at me. He used an earth-style jutsu which caused the tiger to momentarily learn how to fly then instantaneously forget when he hit the ground…hit me, I mean. Claws first, I might add."

Everybody laughed at that and then Jiraiya handed me a mirror. "Speaking of which, you might want to prepare yourself, it will come as a bit of a shock."

I looked in the mirror and gasped. My face was a mess but for the congealed healing salves and various strips of gauze holding it together, with four gashes starting at my right temple and continuing diagonally down my face and finishing on my left collarbone.

"You tried to turn away from the claws."

I just shrugged. "I'm a shinobi now. Not a model. No matter how sexy I am."

"You think you are," corrected Sarutobi.

"You wish you were," scoffed Orochimaru.

"Or you dream of being," Jiraiya finished off.

I just slumped. "Thanks for the moral support guys."

Tsunade laughed then saw Dan at the door, gasped, and covered herself up, even though she was wearing her training gear from last night. I turned to everybody else.

"Let's blow this joint, since I'm hungry and most certainly not eating the food here."

We all picked up our packs and jumped out the window, Jiraiya in the rear, whistling a wedding tune much to the chagrin of Tsunade. After a while, having settled for the barbeque restaurant, something caught my eye that made my heart stop, start again, then go overdrive. All my muscles tensed and I slipped my hand into my kunai pouch. Jiraiya noticed.

"Dude what's up? You okay?"

I shrugged him off.

"Fine. I'll be back."

There was somebody standing out front staring at the menu on the window, browsing the items to eat. This wasn't all that uncommon. What was, however, was the imitation Akatsuki cloak.

Normally, after nine years without anything to remind you of certain things, such as the Akatsuki cloaks, you would forget. I was different. I had a very odd memory. I could watch a movie once and still quote it, word for word, five years after seeing it, yet I could also spontaneously forget how to tie my shoelaces. I still remember almost everything that happened in the Naruto storyline. It helped a lot when you lived in it. I ran to the man wearing the imitation Akatsuki cloak, trying to think of something to say that would prove whether or not he was what I thought he was.

I tried the first thing that came to my head. "How did you die?!" I realized that was stupid once I blurted it out.

He just looked at me like I was crazy.

"About what I figured. Sorry, bye." I backed off, the confused gaze of the man fresh in my mind.

False alarm. Just coincidentally wearing an exact replica of an Akatsuki cloak. Nothing unsusal about that, is it?

I went back to sit down and finish my breakfast. Jiraiya looked at me like I was crazy but he could tell something had been wrong.

"Later, dude…much later," I told him, drifting off into my own little world of thought.

* * *

After breakfast

* * *

The team finished breakfast and went their separate ways, Jiraiya and I being the only two remaining together. Jiraiya was still a bit spooked by how spooked I had been – although he didn't what it was about – and kept pestering me for information.

"What's up? Why did you dash off like that? Why won't you tell me? Come on dude! Answer me!"

I slapped him. "Not now Baka! I'm going to get a haircut and if you don't shut up you will come with me!"

He cowered and grabbed his hair in mock outrage.

"You wouldn't!"

I nodded.

"You monster!"

He ran off in the direction of our houses. If I really wanted to get serious and change things then I had to do just that – get serious. My current attire was good for combat but not perfect. It allowed me full mobility, only limited by how I could move, but it was too loose and baggy. Easy to hide weapons, easier to be grabbed.

I was halfway to the markets when a thought occurred to me. By now, Tobirama should be dead. Not old, not dying. Dead. Then something else occurred to me.

What if I wasn't the only person reincarnated? It was difficult to wrap my head around but then again, so was my birth. I shouldn't be alive. Either way, something had stopped Tobirama from playing decoy to draw away the Kinkaku force, which had stopped him from dying. So what the hell was it? I dashed to the library to check.

* * *

The Library

* * *

There was absolutely nothing on it. Nothing specific, at least. All it said was that there was an unknown shinobi who assisted in the capture of the Kinkaku force from Kumo. It was odd. I decided to ask the Hokage and dashed off. When I arrived in his office however, there was nobody there so I decided to sit around and wait.

Luckily, I always keep a few books sealed on me. And a few weapons in places that wouldn't be checked. I was lying on the couch in his office, reading my book, when Tobirama walked in. I stood up and re-sealed my book.

"Yo Tobi wha-" I started, then cut off when he gave me a stern look.

"Don't call me that." He looked confused, as to why I was chilling out on his couch.

"Noted. So Tobi. What exactly happened with the whole Kinkaku force thing? During the Shinobi world war? How did you escape? Who helped you?"

He was even more confused. "What is this about? Why do you want to know?"

I shrugged. "No reason. Just wondering how you escaped. If you had died, who would you have made Hokage? Sarutobi-sensei right? I think he would make a fantastic Hokage. Speaking of which, you should make a treaty with Kumo. Probably Kiri too. I want to meet the second Mizukage. Or anybody from the Hozuki clan or Iburi clan. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, can you teach me sealing? Or some water jutsu?"

Tobirama just face faulted, sweat-dropped and did a double take simultaneously. "Sometimes the only reason I remember your nine is because of your random thought train." I grinned, knowing perfectly that I was mentally twenty-one years old. This was just how my mind works.

He shook his head, exasperated. "Whatever. We were being pursued by the Kinkaku Force of Kumogakure. We would have been captured except for the fact that I told the rest of my team to continue on at top speed so they could escape. When I turned to slow them down, I saw they were already in combat with a shinobi I had never seen before, and they had no markings to show where he was from.

"Individually, we would have died. Together we killed nineteen of them and captured their leader, barely escaping with our lives. I thought I was going to die, so I gave Hiruzen a field promotion and when I returned alive he did the same to me. Kumo and Konoha have a peace treaty stating that we won't go to war. Kiri won't sign a treaty with anybody. Why do you want to meet them?"

I grinned. "I want to create a jutsu or a seal that acts as a jutsu."

He cocked an eyebrow. "A jutsu…and you want to talk to a Hozuki or Iburi clan member…and you have a lightning nature…oh my Kami, help us all. Crow wants to turn into lightning. I can teach you some sealing. Just some basics. And no, I can't teach you water jutsu. Well, I can. I just won't. Yet. Learn some more lightning jutsu and get them better."

I sighed. "Dang-flabbit."

Tobirama cocked his eyebrow again. "Dang-flabbit? Really. What does that even mean?"

I grinned. "It's like saying dammit. Somebody in the Academy said it once and I kind of adopted it."

That wasn't entirely true. My girlfriend from my past life had said it and just thinking about it made me kind of sad.

"Either way, when can we train sealing?"

He cocked his eyebrow again. "I dunno. Whenever I'm free, I suppose."

I grinned like a madman. "That's great. By the way, you get me, you get Jiraiya. Okay buh-byee."

And with that, still grinning like a madman, I jumped out of the window followed by: "You little shit!" I cackled madly, knowing full-well that Tobirama had just gotten played.

* * *

After Haircut, Clothes Shopping, et cetera

* * *

I looked so different before my shopping spree. Before, I dressed similar to Utakata, just with black, Deidara-esque hair and instead of various shades of blue, my kimono was black and grey. It didn't have bubbles on it. I also wore ninja mesh underneath because I didn't exactly want to show the entire village my underdeveloped, nine-year-old chest.

Now, however, I dressed in basically the same way as Jiraiya did now, but where Jiraiya's robe was pale grey, mine was black. Where his sleeves were red, mine were green. As his collar was green and gold, mine was purple and gold. Everything else was identical except for my hair. I had cut it short, almost like a buzz cut. I got distracted from admiring myself in a window when I saw a flash of green, silver and black out of the corner of my eye. I turned to see Team 3 walking into the BBQ restaurant. I called after them, stomach grumbling at the smell of pork.

"Yo Kani! Dai! Saku!" They all turned and ushered me into the restaurant with them. Dai was the first to speak.

"How was your team, our most youthful friend?!"

I winced, but knew he wouldn't quiet down no matter what.

"They're pretty awesome. Jiraiya, Tsunade, Sarutobi-sensei. Even that weird kid that never talked to anybody, Orochimaru, is alright. He just didn't like talking to people. That was the only reason he never did. How about you guys? What's your sensei like?"

Dai was first to speak, again. "He is a most youthful Uchiha!"

I cocked an eyebrow at Kani, who grinned.

"Yeah, my Uncle Kagami is our sensei and he keeps confusing me. When I call him Uncle he tells me to call him Sensei. When I call him Sensei, he tells me to call him Uncle! It's frustrating!"

I laughed at his exaggerated arm movements and his obvious distress. I turned to Sakumo.

"What about you Saku? What are your thoughts?"

He just shrugged, not even looking at me. It honestly looked like he was trying to use telekinesis on his chopsticks. He was a bit odd like that, but it was just part of the Sakumo experience, I suppose. I looked at Dai, who was deep in thought, trying to decide what to order for appetisers.

Kani was watching me. We had become quite close over the past few years. Not as close as Jiraiya and I, but still close. After his first not entirely tactful attempt at talking to me, it turns out he was payed to say that to me. Somebody thought that it would be funny to see how a girl would react to him. They definitely chose the wrong person. And even though we were close, there was one thing he had never told me: how he got his Sharingan so young.

He had been five. That is all he would tell me, so I decided to ask, wanting to know more.

"Yo Kani, how did you get your Sharingan so young?"

Because tact and subtlety are for civilians, he got this funny look in his eyes, like he was sad yet happy at the same time.

"Tactful, as always. When I was five, an Uchiha missing-nin looking to gain favour with a family somewhere, I don't know where, returned to the main compound to retrieve some scrolls from the clan's shrine. I was playing in the shrine, so he broke in and attacked me.

"Apparently he didn't want to leave any witnesses. I got stabbed, my Sharingan activated in an attempt to protect myself, and screamed. My mum heard me scream, so she ran in and started fighting, or more like slapping, him.

"My mum used a fire jutsu and I instinctively copied it as he wasn't expecting it. It caught him full in the face and his face kind of…melted. He died but my mum was severely injured. I passed out from chakra exhaustion because I had used all of my chakra for the jutsu.

"From that day on I trained with my Sharingan. Funny thing is though, my chakra nature is wind, not fire. My question to you is, what the hell has happened to your face? The scars are bad enough, but really! They're horrific!"

I rolled my eyes. "Har-dee-har-har, Kani the comedian. My genius dad used an earth jutsu to momentarily teach a giant fucking tiger how to fly. It landed claws first on my face."

He shook his head, clearly not impressed. Sakumo jumped into the conversation at this point with possibly the weirdest thing I have ever heard.

"What happened to the tiger? Did it die? Because apparently they taste amazing if they've been marinated in chilli barbeque sauce."

Everybody sweat-dropped and paled at that. We ended up staying all afternoon, talking, eating. The other teams and our senseis all showed up at one point, and we stayed for dinner and for a rather significant portion of the night. I was the third to head home, after Amber and that guy that nobody could remember his name.

I think it was…nope, no clue. I'm pretty sure that even his team doesn't know his name.

* * *

Home

* * *

I arrived home at around 11 pm to the sound of my parents talking in the kitchen. I stood by the door, trying to hear what they were saying.

"So how well did he perform?" I assume that was my mum.

"He's a helluva lot better than I thought he would be. I'm surprised actually. Although, there is something about his kawarimi that confuses me. With the kawarimi, the object you switch with is supposed to be roughly the same mass as you, right?"

Mum hummed in agreement.

"Well, unless I was mistaken, he performed the kawarimi and switched with a kunai. A regular kunai."

Mum hummed again. "That's odd, Honey. What about the rest of his team?"

Dad obviously hadn't yet gotten out of his ANBU armour because I heard and odd clacking sound that I had come to relate to him shrugging.

"They are pretty sensational. Jiraiya used a Great Fireball jutsu to take out Chizuko and I. Completely took us by surprise. We had to stop the tiger from killing Crow-kun while Jiraiya popped up behind us and used the jutsu.

"Completely blew us away. We only got found this morning. He also fried the tiger to a crisp. Tsunade completely overwhelmed Yumiko and slipped past her guard, punched a hole in her stomach and obliterated her kidney. Orochimaru is a bit of an odd one. He got hit with a hallucinogen and went a bit overboard, cut Yasuo up something horrible. Ruined his spleen, cut off four of his fingers and cut his leg open. He almost bled out and died."

Mum gasped. "He's alright now though, isn't he?"

"Yes he is."

Mum sighed with relief. "So what do you think about Crow? What's your verdict?"

Dad shrugged again. "I'm not so sure about the rest of his team, but I can tell that Crow is going to be great."

I decided it was the perfect opportunity step in at this point. "I don't know so much about me, but trust me, those three are going to be legendary."

Because it was true. It had happened once, and I'll be damned if it didn't happen again.

"By the way, Kaa-san, don't ever let Tou-san deliver important news ever, ever again."

* * *

**A/N:** AAAAAANND THATS A WRAP! Hope you all enjoy it, you are all wonderful people. Except for Jordan. -_- Fuck you Jordan. Anybody who is reading this named Jordan that doesn't know me personally, it's not you. He knows who he is.


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